ARACHNOPHOBIA DEATHMATCH 2010

There have been no new updates on Arachnophobia Deathmatch 2010, which is a bit alarming. Normally the horrific wonders have invaded by now and they had such a steady presence in July that I feared August would see record numbers of the bastards. And yet, it is now nearly the end of August and I have seen nary an eight-legged soul.

Either they have seen the error of their ways and will no longer disturb me with their presence... or they are plotting mass invasion.

I will stay alert.

Aracnophobia Deathmatch 2010

Today's round of Deathmatch was VERY EXCITING and I hope never to have to repeat it. *shudders*

While lounging on my bed, which has no headboard, blithely typing on my laptop, I happen to glance over and see an eight-legged horror of medium size crawling toward me on the wall. D:

I immediately leap off the bed and try to locate something appropriate for smashing, discarding a rolled up pair of socks, a small paperback book, anything belonging to me that might get spider residue on it, and finally settle on a fair-sized sturdy box. Seeing that the offending creature is on the wall next to my BED, and not wanting it to drop down between the wall and the bed, I know I only have one shot at it. Which is why, of course, I fuck it up. I smack the horror with the box, freak out a bit, jump stupidly, drop the box, the spider skitters up the wall a bit... and drops down between the wall and the bed.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

Now it is UNDER MY BED. STILL ALIVE. WAITING FOR ME TO GO TO SLEEP SO IT CAN STEALTHILY CREEP UP WHEN I'M NOT SUSPECTING AND CRAWL ON ME OR BITE ME OR DO WHATEVER HORRIBLE THING IT CAN TO GET VENGEANCE FOR UNTOLD NUMBER OF ITS NASTY BRETHREN! *SCREAMS*

Naturally, I did what any sane (or slightly deranged) person would do. I completely took apart my bed, removing blankets, sheets, dust ruffle, and both mattresses, propping them up carefully while ensuring the creature wasn't clinging to any of those items. Terrifying experience, let me tell you. Especially while barefoot clad only in a robe.

I see no scuttling creatures and remove half a pound of LEGOS, several cut up paper bits, a few candy wrappers, and a white shirt I've been looking for from the floor of what was formerly "under the bed". Surprisingly light haul, considering I haven't even looked under there in three months. But I digress.

After article removal, I see a crunched up spiderish sort of thing that is not moving. Apparently my botched attempt at arachnid murder had been successful. Just to be safe, I retrieved the box and mashed it another dozen or so times. I believe it is fully dead now.

*shudders* Then I had to replace the mattresses and retrieve new bedding and throw the old bedding into the washer, so one quick spider-mashing incident turned into a 45 minute ordeal. I'm almost tempted to call this one a draw because of the hassle, but since the offending creature is now a CORPSE, I will declare myself victorious.

Evil Hellish Arachnid Army: 1
Dyson: 5

Arachnophobia Death Match 2010

The war has begun in earnest. Another scout was found, but he was clever, lurking in the corner of the bathroom ceiling where I could not reach him without benefit of a broom, and I resisted because I have learned my lesson regarding brooms. (They hide in the bristles and then leap out and scurry at you, or run away and hide under a big piece of furniture.) I bided my time. A few days later I caught one near the front door, trying to steal into my shoe, which I subsequently used to squash him. *nods*

A fourth was found in the bathroom sink this morning, so he went to his watery grave with the first one.

Evil Hellish Arachnid Army: 0
Dyson: 4

Arachnaphobia Deathmatch 2010

I love living in the Seattle area. Rain is awesome and makes me want to write. I also dislike dealing with that horrible white stuff that falls from the sky and makes people drive like bigger morons than usual. Snow is a rarity here which gets two thumbs up from me. It's also not that cold in the winter and not blisteringly hot in the summer. And the massive amount of hoodie-clad hotties makes me happy to put up with just about anything.

It does, however, have one little nasty bit of horror. The spiders. Starting in late July, hoards of heinous brown eight-legged creatures from the depths of hell invade our houses, generally making straight for the bathroom where they can glare up at you from the sink or the bathtub first thing in the morning as you stagger in there before coffee.

This year the bastards have sent out their reconnaissance patrols early. I destroyed one scout by flushing it down the sink - in hindsight, this may have been a mistake, since there is no guarantee of its actual demise. It may have survived and reported back to its evil headquarters, prompting them to send out scout #2. That one I smashed against the bathroom wall with a partially empty bottle of ammonia.

The battle has commenced. I am keeping a tally.

Evil Hellish Arachnid Army: 0
Dyson: 2

(I'm totally counting the flushed one. *nods*)