Today's round of Deathmatch was VERY EXCITING and I hope never to have to repeat it. *shudders*
While lounging on my bed, which has no headboard, blithely typing on my laptop, I happen to glance over and see an eight-legged horror of medium size crawling toward me on the wall. D:
I immediately leap off the bed and try to locate something appropriate for smashing, discarding a rolled up pair of socks, a small paperback book, anything belonging to me that might get spider residue on it, and finally settle on a fair-sized sturdy box. Seeing that the offending creature is on the wall next to my BED, and not wanting it to drop down between the wall and the bed, I know I only have one shot at it. Which is why, of course, I fuck it up. I smack the horror with the box, freak out a bit, jump stupidly, drop the box, the spider skitters up the wall a bit... and drops down between the wall and the bed.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
Now it is UNDER MY BED. STILL ALIVE. WAITING FOR ME TO GO TO SLEEP SO IT CAN STEALTHILY CREEP UP WHEN I'M NOT SUSPECTING AND CRAWL ON ME OR BITE ME OR DO WHATEVER HORRIBLE THING IT CAN TO GET VENGEANCE FOR UNTOLD NUMBER OF ITS NASTY BRETHREN! *SCREAMS*
Naturally, I did what any sane (or slightly deranged) person would do. I completely took apart my bed, removing blankets, sheets, dust ruffle, and both mattresses, propping them up carefully while ensuring the creature wasn't clinging to any of those items. Terrifying experience, let me tell you. Especially while barefoot clad only in a robe.
I see no scuttling creatures and remove half a pound of LEGOS, several cut up paper bits, a few candy wrappers, and a white shirt I've been looking for from the floor of what was formerly "under the bed". Surprisingly light haul, considering I haven't even looked under there in three months. But I digress.
After article removal, I see a crunched up spiderish sort of thing that is not moving. Apparently my botched attempt at arachnid murder had been successful. Just to be safe, I retrieved the box and mashed it another dozen or so times. I believe it is fully dead now.
*shudders* Then I had to replace the mattresses and retrieve new bedding and throw the old bedding into the washer, so one quick spider-mashing incident turned into a 45 minute ordeal. I'm almost tempted to call this one a draw because of the hassle, but since the offending creature is now a CORPSE, I will declare myself victorious.
Evil Hellish Arachnid Army: 1
Dyson: 5
Oh my LORD, I know EXACTLY how you feel! Except I go on a scavenger hunt under my bed since there are too many things on my bed to dismantle (Never mind the fact that the whole ordeal normally happens at about three in the morning...).
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain!